So, I will start this entry with something funny before I get serious. Lately Maya has gotten into the habit of coming up to one of us and saying, " hey (fill in the blank), did you know I could do this?," and then she either does or shows you something new that she can do. Today it was, "Hey, Mom, did you know I can fit two fingers in my belly button." No, I did not, but I guess I do now. How many fingers can you fit in your belly button? :)
Also, I caught her doing the "robot" in the car yesterday. She was doing the weird, jerky arm movements as she said in a monotone voice, "my name is Maya. I am a robot." I have no idea where she learned it, but it was hilarious!
Ok, on a more serious note: It is official, I have gestational diabetes. I am so upset over the whole thing. Truly, I thought that I would pass that second test with flying colors, but that was not the case. Next week I have to meet with a nutritionist and then the gestational diabetes specialist who will show my how to test my blood sugar. I know that there are many women who have had and have to deal with this in their pregnancies, but I still think it sucks. Honestly, the worse for me isn't even having to watch what I eat and prick my finger, but the worry and stress over the health of my unborn daughter. I can't help but research like crazy about this disease, read the possible side effects it can have on the baby, and just stress and panic. On top of all of that, I have an overwhelming feeling of guilt. Guilt in that I can't provide a healthy, safe place for my unborn baby to grow. Guilt that I had done something wrong. I know that isn't really true, that it isn't something I did, but I still feel that way.
It has only been a day since I found out the news and am still trying to wrap my head around it. I need to get over the emotional distress of it all so that I can start to take care of it. Most of all, I know that I need to trust that God will protect my child, better than I ever could, and need to rest and have peace in that truth. As always, your prayers are appreciated as I approach this new hurdle in pregnancy. Just 11 weeks to go. We can do this.